that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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