I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
