At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
