I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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