The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
