i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
