brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
