p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
