it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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