omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
