whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
