Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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