Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
