i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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