Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
