A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to calm my uterus...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
