Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
