Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just found puke in my bra..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
