How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
