I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
