I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
thus making me awesome and them whores
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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