wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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