I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
