I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
