but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
