I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
