His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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