I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
