I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
