It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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