she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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