Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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