there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
