she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
