im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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