Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
