im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize