shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
