I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
