There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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