he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
