my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
