At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
