im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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