oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
