I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
