so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
