i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize