i can't believe i had my finger in that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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