It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
