I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
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