i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
