she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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