Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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