A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
