God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
