i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
