The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
