Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
