drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
