Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
