remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Acid is not a monday night drug
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
