The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
