He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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