Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
