I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
