My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
