Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
