put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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