I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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