i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
