I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
